Molly Shannon - Terry Rialto
Ana Gasteyer - Margaret Jo McCullen
Sean Hayes - Alfie Thuman

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Ana: Hello, I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.
Molly: And I'm Terri Rialto.
Both: And you're listening to "The Delicious Dish" on National Public Radio.
Ana: Well Terry once again our old friend the groundhog didn't see his shadow and you know what that means.
Molly: Yes, 7 years of bad luck.
(Awkward Pause)
Ana: No.  It means Spring is just around the corner.
Molly: Oh, thank God.
Ana:  It's neat, it'll be fun.
Molly: Good Times.
Ana: I'm looking forward to Spring. Good times.
Molly: Good Times.
Ana:  Yeah.  Well Terri, Spring evokes so many gustetorial goodies.  Like lettuce.
Molly: Yeah, baby lettuce.
Ana: Yeah. And hearts of lettuce.  Gosh, my notes for this show are kind of lame.
Molly:  Yeah, we really shouldn't have rocked out so hard last night at the cashew festival.
Ana:  It was nuts.  Allright, let's bring out our guest.  He's an expert on fungi and the author of "Hey Partner, This Town Doesn't Have Mushroom Enough for Both of Us. Yes it Does," which I think is about mushrooms.  Please welcome Alfie Thuman.
(Sean enters from the right and sits down in front of the third microphone.  He is wearing a flannel shirt and has a beard and mustache.)
Ana:  Hi, How are you?
(Sean picks up a headset in front of him and looks at it oddly.)
Ana: Go ahead and put your headset on.
(Molly demonstrates how they go on with her hands.)
Ana:  And then just talk into the mic.  And then you'll hear us through them.
(Sean puts the headset on.)
Sean: Oh, there you are.
Molly: Very good.
Ana: Hi.
Sean:  Well, I'm glad there was 'mushroom' enough for me on the show.
(Ana and Molly laugh softly.)
Molly: That's really funny.
Sean: Thank you.
Ana: We heard a 'mush-rumour' you were available.
Molly: Funny.
Ana: Thank You.
Sean:  It's good.  Well, I always love to 'mushroom-inate' about fungi.
Molly: (seriously) Okay, that's enough.
Ana: So Alfie, tell us about the world of mushrooms.
Sean: Well, okay.  Did you know that there are over 3000 varieties of mushrooms in North America?
Ana: So you might say, where ever we are there's a fungus among us.
(Sean and Molly laugh softly.)
Sean: Ha ha, yes.
Molly: Wow, that's really funny.
Ana: Thanks, thanks.
Sean:  Any-anyways, um, one can use mushrooms in a variety of ways.  Toss them in salads, grill them.  I've even heard some of the more avant-garde chefs put them on pizzas.
Ana:  Ooooo.
Molly:  Mmmmm, get outta here.
Ana: Freaky-deaky.
Sean: Tell me about it.  Now, when you're hunting for mushrooms, it helps to know what you're looking for. (Sean reaches offscreen and picks up a platter of mushrooms) These here are all mushrooms you can find in your own backyard.
(Sean hands the plate over to Molly and Ana, who 'oo' and 'ah' over it.)
Sean: These platters include some wonderful edible wild mushrooms..."
(Ana and Molly each pick up a mushroom and bite into it, Seans pulls another plate from offscreen and hands it to Molly.)
Sean: ...and some that are extremely toxic and dangerous to the central nervous system.
(Molly and Ana stop chewing and look worried.)
Sean:  Enjoy.
Ana: (nervously) So, let's say we just happened to eat a mushroom, hypothetically, how would we know if it were toxic.
Sean: Mm-hm, well, the first indication would be a severe distor... (Sean's voice starts to slur and slow down.  Ana and Molly look nervous. The wall behind them turns into a bunch of shimmering colors and moving pictures and they start to examine their hands thoroughly.)
Ana: Neat.
Molly: Fine.
Ana: Good Times.
Molly: Good Times.
Ana: Well, for our listeners who can't see this, the studio has just filled with shiny, talking grasshoppers.
Molly:  I can touch the sun with my eyes.
Ana:  That's true, Terri.  Hey wow, it looks like our guest has turned into a lizard in a three button suit.
(Sean now has a giant lizard head on and is wearing a suit and a headset.)
Ana: Hi, lizard.
Molly: Welcome, lizard
Ana:  How ya doing, lizard.
Molly:  How ya doin'?
Sean: This is Lizard Cosell.
Molly:  Oh my gosh, he's doing a Howard Cosell impression.
Ana:  That seems reasonable.
Molly:  Let's take a call from one of our listeners.
(A man in a body suit with a giant phone on his head dances past them in the background)
Phoneman: Ring ring! Ring ring!
Ana: Well thanks for calling.
Phoneman: No problem.
(Phoneman walks off)
Ana:  In a minute, we're gonna get you some really good potato recipes, but right now, Terri, I'm gonna fly down your throat and into the universe that lives inside all of us.
Molly: Me, too.
Ana: That'll be neat.  That's fun.
Molly: Fun.
Ana: This is a good time.
Molly: Good times.
(The camera zooms in on Molly and the picture spins around.  When it stops spinning, Ana and Molly's head's are floating in a space field.)
Ana: Rice.
Molly: Crackers.
Ana: Peas.
Both: Infinity.
Molly: Crackers.
(Sean's head, still a lizard, zooms by.)
Sean: You already said that.
Molly: Oh.
Both: Neat.
(The picture spins again and we see the NPR exterior.  The caption at the bottom reads: Nine hours later.  Cut to: Inside, where Ana and Molly are passed out at their stations.  Sean is still sitting in the booth and is shaking Molly's shoulder.  The two begin to wake up.)
Sean: Terri? Uh, Margaret Jo?  Are you guys allright?
(The two begin to sit up.  They both look dazed.  Ana's sweater is gone and Molly's headset is off.)
Ana: Wow. Sorry about that Alfie.  We just went surfing in the psychedelic stratosphere.
Molly:  Man, those were some mushrooms.
Sean:  Yes, those are called, uh, portabelo mushrooms.
(Delicious Dish music starts up)
Ana: Anyway, that's about all the time we have here on "The Delicious Dish." Join us next week when our topic will be...
Both:  Poppy seeds.
Sean: Yes, and if you like portabelos, you should try shatak-shatakis sometime.
Ana:  Wow, bless you.
Sean: Yes, they're very good.
Molly:  Good Times. The End [back to Molly on SNL]