I hate quotations.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Should you happen to agree with this sentiment, I would suggest you not continue, as the very idea of this page is no doubt anathema to you. Otherwise, brave soul, read on.

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

V

W

X

Anonymous/Unknown

A Random Picture

A

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

There is a theory that states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has already happened.
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
--Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [Ford Prefect]

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
--Woody Allen

Years go by, will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand?
--Tori Amos, "Silent All these Years"

Years go by, will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left?
--Tori Amos, "Silent All these Years"

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
--Tori Amos, "Silent All these Years"

Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again.
--Tori Amos, "Little Earthquakes"

Got enough guilt to start my own religion.
--Tori Amos, "Crucify"

Nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
My heart's sick of being in chains.
--Tori Amos, "Crucify"

You are the clever one, aren't you?
--Tori Amos, "Mother"

I don't believe you're leaving 'cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream.
--Tori Amos, "Tear in Your Hand"

Why do I need you to love me when you can't hold what I hold dear?
--Tori Amos, "Leather"

She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own.
--Tori Amos, "Girl"

I believe in peace, bitch.
--Tori Amos, "The Waitress"

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring
There's no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right.
--Fiona Apple, full title of her When the Pawn album.

Give me but one firm spot on which to stand, and I will move the earth.
--Archimedes

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
--Isaac Asimov

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B

There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made up truths.
--Marion Barry

We are all born mad. Some remain so.
--Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

We always find something to give us the impression that we exist.
--Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

There is always something rather absurd about the past.
--Max Beerbohm, The Yellow Book

Then they asked what went wrong,
When you never had it right.
--Better Than Ezra, "Desperately Wanting"

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.
--Proverbs 15:13

The truth shall make you free.
--St. John, 8:32

Be excellent to each other. . . and party on, dudes!
--Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

And all I can do
Is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view
But it's not sane.
--Blind Melon, "No Rain"

We've many years ahead to fall in line.
Why would you wish that on me?
--Blink-182, "What's My Age Again"

I can accept the heterosexual lifestyle. I just don't want to be exposed to it.
--Tim Brandt

I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way.
--Meredith Brooks, "Bitch"

I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Willow]

I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Buffy]

Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Buffy]

Dorkhead? You lash me with your words!
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Xander]

I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Buffy]

It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Principal Snyder]

A black eye heals, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer [Xander]

Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this: it's living.
--Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More With Feeling" [Spike]

The frightening thing is not dying;
The frightening thing is not living.
--T-Bone Burnette, "Primitives"

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C

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
--Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

We're multiplying rectangles. You just think it's a triangle.
--Mr. Carpenter

We only know how to multiply in matrice-land.
--Mr. Carpenter

We always have time. It's just flying around all the time.
--Mr. Carpenter

If music be the foot of love, play on.
--Mark Charyk

I get knocked down,
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down.
--Chumbawamba, "Tubthumping"

I have a stain, and you're cutting my knee!
--Amy having a tea crisis and reacting badly to Jlyn's unhelpfulness.

Have delivered smackdown. Go me.
--Cassandra Claire, Very Secret Diaries [Saruman]

Am doomed to be Indistinguishable Backup Hobbit forever, even in matters of romance.
--Cassandra Claire, Very Secret Diaries [Merry]

I suggest that you spill tea on your socks, too.
--Amanda being completely unhelpful about Amy's tea crisis.

Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead.
--Claud Cockburn (this won some sort of award for "Dullest Headline")

Where's when I was young
And we didn't give a damn
'Cause we were raised
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
--The Cranberries, "Ode to My Family"

Too many people have lied in the name of Christ
For anyone to heed their call.
So many people have died in the name of Christ
That I can't believe it all.
--Crosby, Stills and Nash, "Cathedral"

Hello, icy hand of death.
--Skyler

Throw caution to the wind.
--my dad

Chauncy, did you leave Miles in the dryer?
--my dad. Don't ask.

Live today, cuz you might die tomorrow.
--me

Clutter is not our friend.
--me

Hi! I buy, sell, and trade souls on eBay. What do you do?
--me

Hell isn't a place, it's a state of mind.
--me

But it's hard to think in the back seat!
--me

Normality is a fate worse than death.
--me

I'd rather gathered that, but why?
--me

We need more full-time nerds!
--me

You can't split wood with a dull mole.
--Travis (I think he meant "maul")

You can't wear your feet on the carpet.
--Travis

Staring contest: where you keep your eyes open at people.
--Miles

He's doing math to me!
--Miles

You, sir, are a bounder and a fraud and a biffmuffin.
--Chauncy

true wars are never won
--e.e. cummings, 1X1

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.
--e.e. cummings, New Poems

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D

The police are not here to create disorder; they are here to preserve disorder.
--Richard Daly

You've got your home of the brave,
And I've got my land of the free.
You conform to what society says,
And I conform to me.
--Alana Davis, "Crazy"

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.
--James Dean

How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
--Charles DeGaulle

If you're gonna do it, overdo it, that's how you know you're alive.
--Ani DiFranco

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
--Ani DiFranco, "Little Plastic Castle"

maybe you can keep me
from ever being happy
but you're not going to stop me
from having fun
--Ani DiFranco, "Gravel"

love is a piano
dropped from a four story window
--Ani DiFranco, "Two Little Girls"

if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're gonna have to get in line
--Ani DiFranco, "Glass House"

Pierce Brosnan is pretty enough to be a woman. I'd date him.
--Dr. Ted Di Maria, on the feminisation of James Bond

If the devil doesn't exist, but man has created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness.
--Fyodor Dostoevsky

There is a pleasure sure
In being mad, which none but madmen know.
--John Dryden, The Spanish Friar

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
--Duran Duran, "Ordinary World"

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E

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
--Albert Einstein

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.
--Dwight D. Eisenhower

I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
--T. S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

This town thinks I'm crazy
They just think I'm strange
Sometimes they want to own me
Sometimes they wish I'd change.
--Melissa Etheridge, "Talking to My Angel"

I sold my soul for freedom
It's lonely but it's sweet.
--Melissa Etheridge, "Talking to My Angel"

Everybody wants charm and a smile and a promise.
--Eve-6, "Promise"

Tell me why
You want to be blind
I don't want to be
Normal like you
I know now
Every day
I get closer
To the place inside where I can be normal too.
--Everclear, "Normal Like You"

The hand you hold
Is the hand that holds you down.
--Everclear, "Everything to Everyone"

I moved in with the strangest guy
Can you believe
He actually thinks
That I am really alive.
--Everclear, "I Will Buy You a New Life"

Why do you want to be broken?
--Everclear, "Sunflowers"

Sometimes it gets so much
I feel like letting go.
--Everclear, "Why I Don't Believe in God"

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F

If I had a million dollars
I'd hire a hitman.
--Alex Fern (you know that song by the Barenaked Ladies? It's like that, but not.)

This is a theater, not a play house!
--James Flaherty, on horseplay at the Microtheater Playhouse

Chaos, confusion, destruction--my work here is done.
--Lindsey Frothingham

I demand that I am Lindsey!
--Lindsey Frothingham

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G

I hate it when things become surreal.
--Neil Gaiman, Death: The High Cost of Living [Sexton Furnival]

You, madam, are a chocolate cream and a hazelnut surprise short of a full box of chocolates.
--Neil Gaiman, Death: The High Cost of Living [Sexton Furnival]

Is the chemical aftertaste the reason why people eat hot dogs? Or is it some kind of a bonus?
--Neil Gaiman, Death: The High Cost of Living [Didi/Death]

The whole of art--maybe the whole of life--is just spray-painting your name on a wall, hoping that someone will see it after you've gone.
--Neil Gaiman, Death: The Time of Your Life

I lost some time. It's always in the last place you look for it.
--Neil Gaiman, Season of Mists [Delirium]

I would feel infinitely more comfortable in your presence if you would agree to treat gravity as a law, rather than one of a number of suggested options.
--Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones [the "clever doggy"]

Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.
--Neil Gaiman, The Wake [Roman soldier]

You get what anyone gets; you get a lifetime.
--Neil Gaiman, Brief Lives [Death]

When you say words a lot they don't mean anything. Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway, and we just think they do.
--Neil Gaiman, Brief Lives [Delirium]

Which would you rather be? A little embarrassed or a lot dead?
--Neil Gaiman, "Death Talks About Life" [Death]

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any real people (living, dead, or stolen by fairies), or to any real animals, gods, witches, countries, and events (magical or otherwise), is just blind luck, or so we hope.
--Neil Gaiman, The Books of Magic (disclaimer)

Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.
--Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (caveat)

Stick that in your calculator and smoke it.
--Matt Gauthier

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.
--William Goldman, The Princess Bride

The truth is not the facts
The world is not the maps
--Judy Gorman, "Analog Girl in a Digital World"

Aunt Jane observed, the second time
She tumbled off a bus,
The step is short from the Sublime
To the Ridiculous.
--Harry Graham, "Equanimity"

Do you think you could compete with my smallest nightmare on its dullest day?
--Hannah Green, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden [Deborah Blau]

There is nothing that you can do to me that my own craziness doesn't do to me smarter and faster and better.
--Hannah Green, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden [Deborah Blau]

Then one may learn, and learn, and be a schizo.
--Hannah Green, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden [Deborah Blau]

Question everything, or shut up and be a victim of authority.
--Greenday, "Warning"

Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come.
--Matt Groening

You can never go home again, but I guess you can shop there.
--Grosse Pointe Blank [Martin Blank]

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H

That whirring sound you just heard was Cicero turning in his grave.
--Jason Hagglund, on a classmate's suggestion that we modify semi-deponent verbs.

It's always Cicero.
--Jason Hagglund, on Wheelock's obsessiveness.

Then he'd drag you across his land.
--Jason Hagglund, on crack. Okay, not really; just in response to Fr. Ken Krall's statement below.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.
--Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

Death is the only great adventure left for me.
--Hook [Captain Hook]

To live will be an awfully big adventure.
--Hook [Peter Pan/Banning]

I'd like to thank God for fucking up my life and at the same time not existing--quite a special skill, I think you'll agree.
--Sean Hughes

Hug the whales, save the trees, free hemlock, and don't drink Tibet.
--Sarah Hulse

I ride, therefore I am.
--Sarah Hulse (who else?)

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen to-morrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind." There was a long silence.
"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.
--Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
--Aldous Huxley

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I

Those people who surround you only want to see you weak enough to crawl.
--Janis Ian, "From Me to You"

They'll tell you that the darkness is a blessing in disguise,
For you'll never have to notice if you're sighted or you're blind,
And they'll do their best to keep you from the light.
--Janis Ian, "From Me to You"

Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out.
--I, Claudius (I'm told that it makes more sense in context)

Well, we can rule out demonic possession right off the bat.
--Innerspace

If the thing you do
Is pure in intent,
If it's meant,
And it's just a little bent,
Does it matter?
--Into the Woods, "Maybe They're Magic" [Baker's Wife]

Dwarfs are very upsetting.
--Into the Woods, "Agony--Reprise" [Rapunzel's Prince]

Do not put your faith
In a cape and a hood,
They will not protect you
The way that they should.
--Into the Woods, "I Know Things Now" [Little Red Riding-hood]

But how can you know what you want
Till you get what you want
And you see if you like it?
--Into the Woods, "A Very Nice Prince" [Cinderella]

What I want most of all
Is to know what I want.
--Into the Woods, "A Very Nice Prince" [Cinderella]

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J

what we call human nature in actuality is human habit
--Jewel

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K

Let's just keep it in pi-ness.
--Tamara Kelley

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.
--Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Objection, Your Honor! Battering the witness!
--April Kester

"Ad Caesar"? Is "Caesar" a neuter noun? Has something happened to him since we last saw him?
--Fr. Ken Krall

Hey, you yourself!
--Fr. Ken Krall on whether there is a vocative form of the intensive pronoun "ipse, ipsa, ipsum."

Even if Cicero were here, I'd tell him it was a dumb concept.
--Fr. Ken Krall on the Romans' overuse of "ipse, ipsa, ipsum" (see also Hagglund).

He used the word "monkey-pie" in the reading twelve times, and nobody noticed. Then I became a Jesuit, and the word "monkey-pie" never came up once. Had it come up twice, heads would have rolled. All for the love of God, of course.
--Fr. Ken Krall

Life is pain broken by moments of unconsciousness.
--Mary Kutteruf

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L

Be of good comfort, Master Ridley, and play the man. We shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace in England, as (I trust) shall never be put out.
--Hugh Latimer, being burned at the stake

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
--John Lehman

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M

Weathermen are just people who flunked out of clown school.
--Eric Malm

You cannot sedate all that you hate.
--Marilyn Manson

Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscribed
In one self place, where we are is Hell.
--Christopher Marlowe, The Tragedy of Doctor Faustus

Reach down your hand in your pocket,
Pull out some hope for me.
--Matchbox 20, "Long Day"

Hell is a rotating block.
--Jon McClain

How now, brown cow. Whither wander you?
--Jon McClain

AP Calculus doesn't care about you.
--Jon McClain (see also Nord)

Great is the force of the ants.
--Kenlyn McGrew

"Arts"? Not "ants"?
--Kenlyn McGrew

What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on,
Despite everything it's doing to me?
--Sarah McLachlan, "Circle"

No one seemed to have the time
To cherish what was given.
--Sarah McLachlan, "Mary"

And if I shed a tear I won't cage it,
I won't fear love.
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it,
I won't fear love.
--Sarah McLachlan, "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"

Your love is better than ice cream.
--Sarah McLachlan, "Ice Cream"

I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be
Left here to linger in silence if I choose to
Would you try to understand?
--Sarah McLachlan, "Elsewhere"

Will we burn in heaven like we do down here?
--Sarah McLachlan, "Witness"

Life is like a Noh play: completely devoid of purpose, but full of meaning.
--Ryan McWilliams

Soonness is in the eye of the beholder.
--Ryan McWilliams

Imitation, in life as in basketball, is the highest form of flattery. It is also the highest form of stupidity.
--Ryan McWilliams

"Maybe" is doubt, "almost" is hope.
--Ryan McWilliams

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
--Edna St. Vincent Millay

No, you shall be--my word!--Tartuffified!
--Moliere, Tartuffe [Dorine]

Death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth!
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail [Tim the Enchanter]

And there was much rejoicing. Yay!
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with. . . a herring!
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail [The Knights of Ni]

Truly, life is hell and death's rough hand our only deliverance.
--Alan Moore

I have no concept of time
Other than that it's dying.
--Alanis Morissette, "All I Really Want"

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
--Alanis Morissette, "Perfect"

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N

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me.
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see.
--New Order, "True Faith"

My morning sun is a drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.
--New Order, "True Faith"

Math will make you taller, smarter, and better-looking.
--Mr. Nord

AP Calculus cares about you. Don't drink and derive.
--sign on Mr. Nord's door (see also McClain)

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O

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
--George Orwell, Animal Farm

In an age when we are told that we can be anything we want, what eludes us most is to simply be ourselves.
--The Outer Limits, episode #606--"Skin Deep"

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P

Had Cleopatra's nose been shorter, the whole history of the world would have been different.
--Blaise Pascal

You're about to be told one more time that you're America's most valuable resource. Have you seen what they do to valuable natural resources? They're gonna strip-mine your soul, they're gonna clear-cut your best thoughts for the sake of profit unless you learn to resist.
--Utah Phillips

Holding a cup isn't as easy as it looks. Actually, it's easier.
--Ian Powers

You're rather amusingly wrong.
--Terry Pratchett, Maskerade [Death]

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Q

I've paid my dues, time after time
I've done my sentence, but committed no crime.
And bad mistakes, I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face but still I've come through
And I need to go on. . .
--Queen, "We Are the Champions"

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R

It has to start somewhere
It has to start somehow
What better place than here
What better time than now
--Rage Against the Machine, "Guerrilla Radio"

Time flies--time dies.
--Rent, "One Song Glory" [Roger]

No day but today!
--Rent

I don't want you to think I'm not incoherent.
--Harold Ross

Kill a man, and you are an assassin. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god.
--Jean Rostand

There is so much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
--Bertrand Russell

I might have become a god, which would have been very chic for an atheist.
--Bertrand Russell, Autobiography

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S

[He's] one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
--Saki, "The Feast of Nemesis" [Clovis]

No need of a gridiron, Hell is other people.
--Jean-Paul Sartre, Closed Doors (or No Exit, depending on your translation) [Garcin]

That's illegal, immoral, and fattening.
--Errol Schmidt

Think! Think and wonder.
Wonder and think.
--Dr. Seuss

From there to here,
From here to there,
Funny things are everywhere.
--Dr. Seuss

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
--William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream [Robin Goodfellow]

Hell is empty,
And all the devils are here.
--William Shakespeare, The Tempest

No matter if you're born
To play the king or pawn,
For the line is thinly drawn
'Tween joy and sorrow.
--Simon & Garfunkel, "Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall"

destroy the mind--destroy the body--but you cannot destroy the heart
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "An Ode to No One"

love is suicide
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Bodies"

so what somehow somewhere we dared
to try to dare to dare for a little more
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Tales of a Scorched Earth"

belief is just some faith
and faith can't help you to escape
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Thru the Eyes of Ruby"

youth is wasted on the young
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Thru the Eyes of Ruby"

The killer in me is the killer in you.
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Disarm"

emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Zero"

my life has been extraordinary
blessed and cursed and won
--The Smashing Pumpkins, "Muzzle"

In my life, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die?
--The Smiths, "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" (you don't get much more angstful than that.)

How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved,
Just like everybody else does.
--The Smiths, "How Soon Is Now?"

Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
--Spaceballs [Dark Helmet]

There is a truth that sanity denies.
--Sprung Monkey, "What's That You Say"

Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.
--Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace [Yoda]

Don't wear fear, or no one will know you're there.
--Cat Stevens, "Don't Be Shy"

I know many fine-feathered friends,
But their friendliness depends on how you do.
--Cat Stevens, "Hard-Headed Woman"

It's hard to get by just upon a smile.
--Cat Stevens, "Wild World"

Love is a cruel and bitter way
Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain.
--Sting, "Brand New Day"

For it is only a small step from silencing art to silencing artists, and then to silencing those who support them, and so on, until, while we may one day live in a lawyer's paradise, we will surely find ourselves in a human hell.
--Oliver Stone

Halt! or I'll stand still for an amazingly long period of time . . .
--Stone Boy

He reminds me of a young me before I was beaten down by life.
--Mr. Sullivan

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T

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V

You never get noticed, but you still hide away.
--Vertical Horizons, "Everything You Want"

Yes, there's love if you want it
Don't sound like no sonnet.
--The Verve, "Sonnet"

For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise
And we'd never compromise.
--The Verve Pipe, "The Freshmen"

Anything too stupid to be spoken is sung.
--Voltaire

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W

Don't just stand there, kill something!
--Waterworld [the Deacon]

Very occasionally, if you really pay attention, life doesn't suck.
--Joss Whedon, liner notes for Once More, With Feeling

In the midst of life, we are in the midst of death.
--Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth

Doctors can bury their mistakes, but architects can only advise their clients to plant vines.
--Frank Lloyd Wright

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X

The truth is out there.
--The X-Files

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Anonymous/Unknown

Define the universe and give three examples.
--anonymous graffito

God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
--anonymous graffito

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
--bumper sticker

Don't make me send my flying monkeys after you.
--bumper sticker

Have A Non Emergency? Call Crime Check.
--rear bumper of a sheriff's car (just what is a non-emergency?)

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege.
--fridge magnet

Age is not important unless you are a cheese.
--Inspirational message for the month of April at Nine Mile Falls Elementary School

Nil carborundum illegitimi--Don't let the bastards grind you down.
--mock-Latin proverb

Truth is stranger than fiction.
--proverb

I had become what every New Yorker secretly longs to be, a harmless, amusing eccentric.
--some amusing writer for Smithsonian

I have not succeeded in answering all your questions. In fact the answers I have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions. In some ways, we feel we are as confused as ever, but we believe we are confused on a higher level and about more important things.
--sign in Mr. Carpenter's room

Cut the head in half using a bandsaw and scoop the brains out. Blast the brain out with water or air. Suck the brain out through a hole in the head.
--British public service message about mad cow disease (featured on Chumbawamba's Tubthumper album)

You're probably also looking for a life.
--college recruitment letter (is this a nice way of saying "Get a life"?)

Believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the last word in reality.
--sign hanging from DeSmet

Of course I'm getting fat! I'm an American!
--some guy in a donut shop

I don't know. Trying to tell you what I don't know is like trying to get back from a place I've never been.
--some baseball player, quoted by Ed Tyllia

Perceptions are more real than reality.
--some scholar, quoted by Dr. Chan

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A Random Picture

--Smashing Pumpkins, "Tonight, Tonight" (the edges just need finishing up, and then I'll find a place for it.)

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