Nordic Nuts-Template

The new home for The Related Madness. Someday I might update this part of the site.

Quote: Fluorocarbons are ok if you don't smoke them!-PB

Signs that you are a cross country skier
1. You start obsesively watching the weather forecast for snow in early October
2. A full box of Kraft Mac 'n Cheese is just your first course
3. With all the talk of "low carb" options at restaurants, you're wondering when we can get a "high carb" option. Like a double bread sub at Subway.
4. You consider 20 F downright tropical
5. You are still obsessively watching the forecast for snow in late March
6. Bounding is considered perfectly normal behavior.
7. You realize that Fairbanks, Calumet and The County are all prime real estate if you could only find a job.

Top "Power Foods"
1. Culver's Jumbo Butterburger
2. Twinkies (Hostess or Little Debbie)
3. Taco Bell
4. Spaghetti
5. Doughnuts
6. Ju Ju Bees
7. Coca-Cola
8. M&Ms
9. The Cog
10. Gas Station Cappuccino

Quiz-Do you spend way too much time waxing?
You only get one answer per questions (you can't answer 4 and 5 for a given question, giving you a score of 9, your score would be 5)
Take the biggest numbered question that you can answer yes to, even if there is a smaller numbered question you can't answer yes to.
Example for question 3, I get three points because I do have a stereo in my waxing room, however, I don't have a dedicated year round waxing room.
If none of them apply to you, you get zero points.
For the bonus question you get points for any of them that apply to you.
Yes I just edited the quiz. Deal with it.

1. Wax Identification

1. You can distinguish between waxes (temp ranges) by feel
2. You can identify a brand by feel
3. You can identify a specific wax (brand and temp) by feel
4. You can identify a specific wax by smell

2.Wax smells

1. You think Toko Nordlite smells pretty.
2. You think all waxes smell pretty

3.Wax Room

1. You have a year round, dedicated wax room
2. When people can't find you, they are told to "Check the wax room"
3. You have a stereo in your wax room
4. Your stereo/Entertainment Center in your wax room is the nicest one in the house
5. Your wax room has a name.
6. There is a bed in your wax room for those marathon sessions.
7. Your wax room could qualify for superfund cleanup

4. Wax Tools

1. You have more than 4 brushes
2. You have a favorite brush
3. You have "waxing clothes"
4. You have more than 6 brushes
5. You actually own the Swix Thermonator Digital Iron
6. You own more than 15 brushes (roto or not)
7. Your apron is more explosive than gunpowder
8. If you were to lay your apron on a lake all of the water would immediately leave the area because there are so many fluorocarbons on the apron.

5. Glide Wax
1. You own waxes that are no longer made
2. You have more than one kind of pure fluoro
3. You own more than two complete lines of wax (hydrocarbons through pure fluoros)
4. More than three
5. Four
6. Five
7. Six
8. At least one complete line that is no longer in existence
9. More than two
10. Three?

6. Kick Wax

1. You realize that the old orange Swix basebinder is the coolest thing ever
2. You own more than 4 complete lines of kick wax
3. More than five
4. Your "race kit" is a large tackle box just for kick wax

7. Time spent waxing

1. You spend as much time waxing as you do skiing
2. You spend twice as much time waxing as you do skiing
3. You race wax at least 7 pairs of skis for each race, "just for the fun of it."
4. You don't even bother skiing anymore, you just wax your skis.

8. How good are you?

1. Your friends will let you wax their skis
2. Your friends will ask you to wax their skis
3. Friends will beg you and bribe you to wax their skis
4. You used to work at a ski shop but now you quit because "you're too good for that"
5. You wax skis for a wax or ski company (team)
6. You wax skis for a national team
7. You were in charge of a Scandanavian service team
8. You have been in charge of a Scandanavian service team, but you quit because it was getting boring and "you're too good for that"
9. You just look at the skis and they are rockets.

Bonus Questions: These have to do with really strange behavior like using ski waxes as mind altering substances or things that would make me think you have used lots of mind altering substances. You are rather strange if you have done any of them.

1. You have done more than four lines of wax (30 points)
2. You have smoked fluorocarbons (not with the iron) (40 points)
3. You have seriously pondered getting your own stone grinder (60 points)
4. Getting one would save you money within a year (100 points)
5. You have gotten this far and are thinking "Child's play" (1000 points)

Now add up your points and see how bad it really is.
0-5 Points-Newbie
No Skills. Why did you even take the quiz? Go inhale some more fluorofumes and come back and try again. You don't even have a problem. I bet you don't even enjoy waxing your skis. You only wax a couple times a year and even then you don't even know what a fluorocarbon is. Either that or you're old school and wax with Rex Blue 99% of the time.
5-10 Points-Recreational Waxer
Now you have a problem. You enjoy waxing your skis, you may even go a little bit overboard once in a while. You're friends will let you wax their skis and not worry about them. You've been at it for a while and the fumes are starting to do some damage. You need serious help. You still are You're a "social waxer."
10-20 Points-Expert Waxer
Almost all hope is lost. You are the equivalent of the bum on the street with the paper bag over the whiskey bottle. At this stage your friend will beg you to wax their skis maybe even throw a little something your way for doing it. The odds 'n ends of your wax box could keep a high school team going for a season. You randomly flip through catalogs looking at different companies wax and making comparisons. You are just getting warmed up talking about wax when people start getting glazed over looks on their faces. You will spend more than 4 hours waxing lots of pairs of skis the night before the race. You are like Luke, the force is strong with you, but training and discipline you need.
20-40 Points-Master Waxer
You are past the point of no return. You have a direct IV to the wax company so that you don't even have to wait for stuff to show up at stores. You have been officially paid to wax other peoples skis, maybe you still are. But you may have moved one because your "artistic freedom was being constricted." Your wax box has more high and pure fluoros than most people will see in their entire life. You are the one that people go to the night before the race when they don't have the right wax. You've been doing it so long that you havea room full of large boxes of unopened but outdated wax. You used to have a really nice TV in the wax room but it got fried by all of the wax dust. You have fallen asleep waxing. You've also carbo loaded two days before the race to get ready for waxing. You are like Obi-Wan. A true Jedi night who has seen much adversity and come out on top.
40-100 Points-Waxer Extraordinaire
You have business cards that advertise the fact that you wax or have waxed skis professionally. You are definitely obsessed. You have passed on going skiing just to wax your skis. Your waxing room is where you spend the majority of your waking hours, you may have even designed your house around it. You have headed up the service efforts for a Scandanavian team. Towards the top of the range you would have had to participate in some rather questionable behavior to get your score. Most of the other pros come running to you when things aren't working well. Your wax box includes almost any volatile substance one can think of in addition to almost every wax made in the past two decades. Box doesn't really describe your wax kit. More like small pickup truck full. Your odds 'n ends are better than most National teams have access to. At this point you probably could be judged legally insane. You have pulled "all nighters" just to wax skis, in fact they are routine. You have skied a few times this decade, you think, but all the fumes have pretty much eliminated your memory. You are Yoda. You are getting on in your years. You've already had a lung replaced.
100+ Points-Ski Waxing God
If you score this high you are either lying or very very scary. You are officially insane and probably are locked up in the deepest recesses of Swix's top secret mountain lair. Phrases such as "must make skis faster" and "I will rule the world" often float from your "happy place" which happens to be a padded room and only a select few are even allowed contact. You are crazily mixing waxes in an attempt to create the "superwax." There are frequent visits from the psychotherapist. Be careful my child or you will end up hear. You are like the Emperor, you have fallen to the dark side and it has overcome you. How the heck did you get internet access? Hope to God you don't end up here!

etc.
Home	Racing	Links	Snow Report	Etc.
The new home for The Related Madness. Someday I might update this part of the site.
Quote: Fluorocarbons are ok if you don't smoke them!-PB
Signs that you are a cross country skier 1. You start obsesively watching the weather forecast for snow in early October 2. A full box of Kraft Mac 'n Cheese is just your first course 3. With all the talk of "low carb" options at restaurants, you're wondering when we can get a "high carb" option. Like a double bread sub at Subway. 4. You consider 20 F downright tropical 5. You are still obsessively watching the forecast for snow in late March 6. Bounding is considered perfectly normal behavior. 7. You realize that Fairbanks, Calumet and The County are all prime real estate if you could only find a job.
Top "Power Foods" 1. Culver's Jumbo Butterburger 2. Twinkies (Hostess or Little Debbie) 3. Taco Bell 4. Spaghetti 5. Doughnuts 6. Ju Ju Bees 7. Coca-Cola 8. M&Ms 9. The Cog 10. Gas Station Cappuccino
Quiz-Do you spend way too much time waxing? You only get one answer per questions (you can't answer 4 and 5 for a given question, giving you a score of 9, your score would be 5) Take the biggest numbered question that you can answer yes to, even if there is a smaller numbered question you can't answer yes to. Example for question 3, I get three points because I do have a stereo in my waxing room, however, I don't have a dedicated year round waxing room. If none of them apply to you, you get zero points. For the bonus question you get points for any of them that apply to you. Yes I just edited the quiz. Deal with it.
1. Wax Identification 1. You can distinguish between waxes (temp ranges) by feel 2. You can identify a brand by feel 3. You can identify a specific wax (brand and temp) by feel 4. You can identify a specific wax by smell 2.Wax smells 1. You think Toko Nordlite smells pretty. 2. You think all waxes smell pretty 3.Wax Room 1. You have a year round, dedicated wax room 2. When people can't find you, they are told to "Check the wax room" 3. You have a stereo in your wax room 4. Your stereo/Entertainment Center in your wax room is the nicest one in the house 5. Your wax room has a name. 6. There is a bed in your wax room for those marathon sessions. 7. Your wax room could qualify for superfund cleanup 4. Wax Tools 1. You have more than 4 brushes 2. You have a favorite brush 3. You have "waxing clothes" 4. You have more than 6 brushes 5. You actually own the Swix Thermonator Digital Iron 6. You own more than 15 brushes (roto or not) 7. Your apron is more explosive than gunpowder 8. If you were to lay your apron on a lake all of the water would immediately leave the area because there are so many fluorocarbons on the apron. 5. Glide Wax 1. You own waxes that are no longer made 2. You have more than one kind of pure fluoro 3. You own more than two complete lines of wax (hydrocarbons through pure fluoros) 4. More than three 5. Four 6. Five 7. Six 8. At least one complete line that is no longer in existence 9. More than two 10. Three? 6. Kick Wax 1. You realize that the old orange Swix basebinder is the coolest thing ever 2. You own more than 4 complete lines of kick wax 3. More than five 4. Your "race kit" is a large tackle box just for kick wax 7. Time spent waxing 1. You spend as much time waxing as you do skiing 2. You spend twice as much time waxing as you do skiing 3. You race wax at least 7 pairs of skis for each race, "just for the fun of it." 4. You don't even bother skiing anymore, you just wax your skis. 8. How good are you? 1. Your friends will let you wax their skis 2. Your friends will ask you to wax their skis 3. Friends will beg you and bribe you to wax their skis 4. You used to work at a ski shop but now you quit because "you're too good for that" 5. You wax skis for a wax or ski company (team) 6. You wax skis for a national team 7. You were in charge of a Scandanavian service team 8. You have been in charge of a Scandanavian service team, but you quit because it was getting boring and "you're too good for that" 9. You just look at the skis and they are rockets. Bonus Questions: These have to do with really strange behavior like using ski waxes as mind altering substances or things that would make me think you have used lots of mind altering substances. You are rather strange if you have done any of them. 1. You have done more than four lines of wax (30 points) 2. You have smoked fluorocarbons (not with the iron) (40 points) 3. You have seriously pondered getting your own stone grinder (60 points) 4. Getting one would save you money within a year (100 points) 5. You have gotten this far and are thinking "Child's play" (1000 points)
Now add up your points and see how bad it really is. 0-5 Points-Newbie No Skills. Why did you even take the quiz? Go inhale some more fluorofumes and come back and try again. You don't even have a problem. I bet you don't even enjoy waxing your skis. You only wax a couple times a year and even then you don't even know what a fluorocarbon is. Either that or you're old school and wax with Rex Blue 99% of the time. 5-10 Points-Recreational Waxer Now you have a problem. You enjoy waxing your skis, you may even go a little bit overboard once in a while. You're friends will let you wax their skis and not worry about them. You've been at it for a while and the fumes are starting to do some damage. You need serious help. You still are You're a "social waxer." 10-20 Points-Expert Waxer Almost all hope is lost. You are the equivalent of the bum on the street with the paper bag over the whiskey bottle. At this stage your friend will beg you to wax their skis maybe even throw a little something your way for doing it. The odds 'n ends of your wax box could keep a high school team going for a season. You randomly flip through catalogs looking at different companies wax and making comparisons. You are just getting warmed up talking about wax when people start getting glazed over looks on their faces. You will spend more than 4 hours waxing lots of pairs of skis the night before the race. You are like Luke, the force is strong with you, but training and discipline you need. 20-40 Points-Master Waxer You are past the point of no return. You have a direct IV to the wax company so that you don't even have to wait for stuff to show up at stores. You have been officially paid to wax other peoples skis, maybe you still are. But you may have moved one because your "artistic freedom was being constricted." Your wax box has more high and pure fluoros than most people will see in their entire life. You are the one that people go to the night before the race when they don't have the right wax. You've been doing it so long that you havea room full of large boxes of unopened but outdated wax. You used to have a really nice TV in the wax room but it got fried by all of the wax dust. You have fallen asleep waxing. You've also carbo loaded two days before the race to get ready for waxing. You are like Obi-Wan. A true Jedi night who has seen much adversity and come out on top. 40-100 Points-Waxer Extraordinaire You have business cards that advertise the fact that you wax or have waxed skis professionally. You are definitely obsessed. You have passed on going skiing just to wax your skis. Your waxing room is where you spend the majority of your waking hours, you may have even designed your house around it. You have headed up the service efforts for a Scandanavian team. Towards the top of the range you would have had to participate in some rather questionable behavior to get your score. Most of the other pros come running to you when things aren't working well. Your wax box includes almost any volatile substance one can think of in addition to almost every wax made in the past two decades. Box doesn't really describe your wax kit. More like small pickup truck full. Your odds 'n ends are better than most National teams have access to. At this point you probably could be judged legally insane. You have pulled "all nighters" just to wax skis, in fact they are routine. You have skied a few times this decade, you think, but all the fumes have pretty much eliminated your memory. You are Yoda. You are getting on in your years. You've already had a lung replaced. 100+ Points-Ski Waxing God If you score this high you are either lying or very very scary. You are officially insane and probably are locked up in the deepest recesses of Swix's top secret mountain lair. Phrases such as "must make skis faster" and "I will rule the world" often float from your "happy place" which happens to be a padded room and only a select few are even allowed contact. You are crazily mixing waxes in an attempt to create the "superwax." There are frequent visits from the psychotherapist. Be careful my child or you will end up hear. You are like the Emperor, you have fallen to the dark side and it has overcome you. How the heck did you get internet access? Hope to God you don't end up here!